My little steps for self-acceptance

Self-acceptance is a process, I found it such a challenge to wake up completely satisfied with who I was, every day was and still is to an extent is work in progress.
For instance starting this blog took me two years to pick up the courage to do. I had shot content for the blog but I felt chubby, I felt ugly by societies standard and I knew if I didn't believe in the images how could I expect others to engage with it and relate to me. It didn't feel genuine as I was so dissatisfied with what I saw.
I used this feeling as a catalyst to change my attitude to self-love and started working on myself. I improved my health, my perception on self-image and by 2013 I felt ready to put myself out there.
This post is about how I learnt to love and accept who I am and how I benefit from the power of self-love and self-esteem.

Manage your inner demons.
Those voices that belittle you, the voices that tell you you're not good enough, you're not slim enough, you're not pretty enough MUST STOP.
I soon came to realise it wasn’t anyone telling me I wasn’t enough, the people around me were just happy plodding along with their own worries, the negative driving force was coming from ME. I was my own barrier, I had to change my mind-set in order to make an impact on daily happiness.
You are more important than any social limitation, 'your body size, race and sexual orientations are assets.' I heard Caira Lee say on one of the many Ted Talks I listen to.
Again; Your body, your size, your race and your sexual orientation are assets.'
Such a powerful line and super easy to say, but why is it so many of us struggle to accept and believe in this statement.
Be kind, encouraging and understanding to yourself as you are with friends and family. We tend to be our biggest critics and I feel like many of us limit ourselves relentlessly. Be your own best friend and challenge those inner demons, don’t get yourself down before you’ve even started.

What does caring about yourself really mean?
It’s not the occasional spa trip or manicure; It’s the process of daily affirmations. Make yourself number one priority, eat right, sleep right, exercise your body and your mind.
Caring for yourself is having the belief that what you are within is strong enough to shine out and contribute to bettering society, it is affirming to yourself that you ARE good enough. Admiring yourself or feeling confident isn’t to be taken in the same hand as arrogance or being self-centred. How I see it is, in order for us to positively contribute to the world we live in, we must work on ourselves before we can help others. Put yourself first, makes those improvements and then when you are ready share positivity and help others.
Being kind to yourself and nurturing those little voices in your head to encourage and build you up, make yourself strong enough to fight those fears, accept what you don't like and give yourself the power to change those negatives into positives.

Losing yourself
Find your passion, what makes your heart sing endlessly. What can you do for hours on end and feel a sense of satisfaction on completion. What fulfils you entirely. Find what it is that drives you and create it, obsess with it work on it and build your craft; be the best at what you do.
Howard Sherman said, 'do not ask what the world needs, ask what makes me come alive and do that, because what the world needs is people that have come alive'.
Satisfying that inner passion will help you realise your purpose in life. I know it sounds cheesy, but do it, focus on yourself and question all those doubts in your mind, isolate yourself enough to know what it is that really makes you happy, I’m 99% sure there is a career path out there for you that enlightens your soul and makes you happier. Even if you don’t have any intention of financially benefiting from your passion, keep it alive. I personally find it very therapeutic to devote my energy into something I love so much.

Love others
Self-love isn't just about you, it’s about embodying love entirely, it’s about uplifting those around you too. if people are doubtful around me I instinctively try to find a silver lining or help with a constructive solution. I thrive on encouraging productivity, I love to inspire others and I want to help them feel good, the same way I feel good.
After all we hear time and time again that energy is contagious. so why chose the painful route? if we can help one another a little, why hold back?
In a nutshell I think self-love self-acceptance is a full cycle of daily practises. Accept what has happened in the past, learn from it, grow from it, accept flaws and work towards a better you.
Focus less on others and more on your own trials and tribulations. The more energy you devote into bettering yourself and gaining knowledge means the less time you have to be hateful/jealous of others, or develop negative thoughts. Just remember the grass isn’t always greener on the other side; everyone has shitty days, some of us just hide it better than others.
A combination of the two above will guarantee positive vibes, I promise! And et voila practice improving yourself daily, work on self-love, self-worth and each day will feel that little bit more better.

Listening to my gut feeling and making personal improvements

Ever felt this feeling at the pit of your stomach, with everything inside you telling you your just not meant to be there? I have, many times over.
I’ve experienced this during social events, during my working day on my 9-5 and even at home. It’s almost as if I knew I needed to do something to break away from where I was.
I didn’t know what it was I needed to do, I didn’t know how to explain exactly what I was feeling, but I knew the place I was no longer kept me happy and to shake the anxious feeling I needed to move on.

It’s okay to outgrow people.
From a young age I’ve always been happy go lucky with my social life. For me it didn’t and still doesn’t define my happiness, I was just as comfortable sitting on the sofa at home as I was relaxing in a sheesha lounge with friends or in a bar. I didn’t need to have a wild Friday and Saturday night to feel like I’ve ‘lived’.
I started realising about 4 years ago that the level of engagement I would have with people was no longer fulfilling and if anything made me question my need to attend social events all together. I noticed personal changes I would make around individuals, I’d talk a little less and listen a little more.
The more I listened the more I felt at unease, I realised I had mentally outgrown the people I spent the most part of my teenage years and 20’s with.
I wanted to discuss achievements, set goals and work towards bettering myself, I couldn’t care less about X,Y or Z, mediocre gossip or reality tv talk. I didn’t want to binge drink till the early hours of the morning then eat trash at 3am, I didn’t want to experiment with drugs because it’s not a lifestyle that interests me in the slightest.
In a sense I didn’t understand what I was feeling back then but now I know it’s safe to say, It’s okay to not fit in, you don’t have to follow the rest of them; if you feel different follow your gut. If that road leads you temporarily down a route by yourself don’t panic, when you focus on what you believe and start working towards goals that interest you, likeminded people will be on the same path as you and a new set of friends will develop.
I’m not saying drop your friendly entirely, I just need you to know, it’s not a bad thing to feel out of place. Use your gut instinct to help you better your situation and move on towards a position that keep you happy and betters your future self.

The dreaded 9-5
Ever sat at your desk and thought, is this it? Is this my life? Is this excel spreadsheet going to be the death of me?
Unless you’re lucky to have been blessed with a silver spoon in your mouth, you, like myself will have to work to fund a lifestyle. Money is crucial in our lives, for the basics; food and shelter, everything else is a cherry on top.
Why are so many people stuck in a 9-5 they loathe? Why not be fearless enough to pursue your passion, follow your true dream and work towards loving your job?
I personally think it’s easy to get complacent with life, but if like myself you hate the reoccurring thought of knowing you are not fulfilling your maximum potential, changes need to be made.
It’s not as simple as packing up your job and doing what you love, I know; I’m in that position. But I believe if you find your passion, work on it with all your spare time, the time you invest in making your dreams become a reality will outwork the 9-5 and the hard work will pay off, allowing you to pursue a field of your choice.
You just need to be motivated enough to keep at it even when the rewards are slim, keep at it even when you aren’t receiving the recognition you feel you deserve, keep at it until you are in a position to comfortably leave your 9-5 and depend on your passion to bring in revenue.

Is my house really home?
If I’m not at work I’m usually at home, so it’s essential for me that my living space works for me and not against me. I mean that in the sense of it being my sanctuary; a place I can unwind and feel relaxed.
I’ve been lucky enough to move three times in the past three years which is a blessing in disguise, it’s never fun to part with a location you get comfortable in but there is a silver lining, you are forced to assess your material possessions.
When boxing everything up I make a point of clearing out items I no longer use and general junk I accumulate over the years.
This detox of material possessions is what keeps my home my safe heaven. I cannot stand unnecessary clutter, I don’t enjoy over packing my storage units, so I keep items to a minimum. Everything I own from my books to clothes and kitchen utensils are in a set place and all accessible.
A pet peeve is knowing I have something but not being able to find it, argh!!! How frustrating. So to avoid ever falling into that gap again I have adopted the process of smart shopping and regular clear outs. My home is my happy pace and I make sure I do everything possible to maintain that peace.


Listen to your gut feeling, no one knows you better than yourself. Sometimes it’s good to leave a comfort zone because I’ve learnt most the time I’m holding onto them for a false sense of security; if I really sit and think about it I didn’t need any of the comfort zones I led myself to believe I needed, I was strong enough to cope by myself. I hope you are too : )

Outfit - Skirt/HouseOfCB Blouse/Zara Choker/DIY

My personal fitness progress

Overcoming fears.
One of my biggest fears has been putting myself out there. I have been happy to share my creativity on this blog because there is no right or wrong for style; everyone is entitled to their opinion and I’m confident enough to encounter criticism on my fashion without it phasing me.
It’s this whole writing and communicating my thoughts part that held me back. English, even though it’s my first language has never been my strong point. I’ve never excelled in creative writing or even basic grammar. I didn’t and still don’t click well with it, so I was really anxious to start writing posts, but the response I’ve had from you guys reading them has been extremely encouraging and I’m sure you can overlook the rustiness of my writing and understand what points I am trying to put across.

Releasing this set of images has been my 2nd biggest fear. We shot them about 4 months ago and you may look at them and think, what’s the big deal?
For someone that has consistently worked out for the past 3 years 3 times a week minimum without fail I was extremely disheartened by what I saw. I was expecting different results, I genuinely thought I’d have more definition; Instead I just saw chunky little legs, my usual skinny torso and a chubby face.
But again I need to remind myself that everyone has to start somewhere, the idea of ‘perfection’ doesn’t exist and is all fabricated by the media. So with that in mind, 4 months later I am posting this to have as a benchmark, things can only get better!
I'm still a fitness rookie and have many more mountains to move but for now let’s dive in to what I do know…

Why do I exercise?
So putting aside my appearance issues ( I need to practise what I preach every so often and re-read my Body Confidence write up)
I exercise for my health, I exercise for a better future. In my early 20’s there were no sirens flashing in order for me to think there was anything wrong with my lifestyle. I would eat irregular meals, skip breakfasts, binge eat junk and wouldn’t really go near vegetables or whole foods with a barge pole, my hair, nails, skin and body seemed healthy.
It was only 3 years ago when I lost weight through stress and anxiety (that’s a whole other post topic) I dropped my ‘baby fat’ rapidly. Looking back on those times it was an extremely unhealthy way to lose weight but it was all too much for me to handle.
I decided I wanted to turn things around for myself and not only feel good about my weight, feel fitter and healthier.
I invested in a personal trainer to show me the ropes. I was clueless about fitness and what exercises to do, I knew it was an area I needed schooling in. I cleaned up my diet, introduced a variety of exercises and training methods and overtime my silhouette changed from tubby to toned.
I instantly knew exercise was the key to life, (as cheesy as that sounds) Keeping healthy and fit felt imbedded into my everyday routine. Not to mention how much I enjoyed the results visually and internally. You feel fresh, revitalised and approach life with a can do attitude instead of a defeated/full of excuses lifestyle.

You are what you eat.
When you eat crap you feel like crap. What are you feeding your body? It’s essential to be fully aware of the foods we put in our bodies, I read this online and Chaka Clarke has hit the nail on the head entirely;
‘Healthy is a necessity for happiness, only when you are healthy can you be truly happy. Respect yourself, you have been given the gift of life, so why are you killing yourself?
‘’Cancer, obesity, diabetes, allergies, chronic illnesses and mental health issue etc are all exacerbated by eating and living unhealthy.
You are what you eat, natural healthy food is medicine.
If you go to the doctors complaining about having a headache, the doctor will say take an aspirin/ paracetamol and rest. Never really addressing the root cause of the problem. Lack of water, looking at the screen all day, not sleeping enough, poor diet, too much alcohol etc. Yet you didn’t get a headache for lack of aspirin…
Medicine is an industry as well as science. The human body is remarkable and is the only place we have to live. Our bodies are made up of skin, muscle, bones and organs. The organs are made off tissue and those tissues are made of cells. So in essence we are just millions of cells, but those cells die out every day and have to be replaced every day.
So how do we replace them? How do we build new cells?
Raw materials come from only one place, what we put in our mouths. If we put healthy nutritious food in our mouths we can make healthy cells.
If we put bad food in our bodies, then we have raw materials that will make inferior cells, or sick cells that make us sick. If you poison your body with toxins your body will become toxic and poisoned. You will endure illness as a result of your actions.’

Feeling a little more aware after reading that paragraph? Me too, it definitely struck a chord with my perception on food. My food policy is simple, if it come from the ground or a tree I’ll eat it, anything else no thank you. I refuse to eat a ready meal for a handful of reasons;
Where has it come from? Who made it? What is inside it? How many ingredients am I familiar with?
My mum has always made clean, wholesome, healthy meals from scratch so I literally freak when I’m presented with processed food. I need to know what I’m eating is fresh, natural and isn’t pumped with more chemicals then needs be.
Not to mention I’m extremely happy to sit and eat plain vegetables all day every day. I don’t eat based on my emotions, I like to eat to feel satisfied and energised, eating for nutrition not weight loss.

What is the end goal?
The goal is to be fit, healthy and flexible for life.
The goal is to be strong and less vulnerable to illness and injury.
The goal is to be better mentally and physically than yesterday.

A little food for thought.
And lastly, for those that have an opinion on what I show and how I dress. (Perfectly worded by Sam James)
Modesty is not the only way to be respected. I used to think I would never post ‘revealing’ pictures online because people would think I was a certain ‘kind’ of girl, it would make me less respectable.
That way of thinking was a bit of internalized misogyny, thinking the idea that girls who show off their bodies are ‘less’ then girls who cover up, but here’s the thing; someone choosing to show parts of themselves does not give anyone a free pass to throw judgment, demean them or think they don’t respect or value themselves.
I’m not saying this because I think people think this about me, I’m saying this for my old self who would think that about other girls or even my current self.
If you think less clothing = less respect, take a step back and think about why you believe in that.
If you think a post like this is an excuse for me to post pictures of my body, take a step back and think about why you believe in that.
Does it ever resonate with you that maybe someone being proud of their achievements, their hard work, their progress is a sign that they do respect themselves? That taking steps to change what they don’t feel secure about is a respectable choice to make? That sharing their journey takes a level of confidence that may have only been gained through acceptance of themselves?
I sat on this post for four months and only now am I willing to accept it. So before judgment is passed, please consider my reasons, respect my journey and learn with me.

Outfit – Bra/Nike Leggings/Nike Hoodie/Nike Trainers/Nike

Summer in the fall

I know the leaves are falling and Autumn is here, but keep Summer alive and visit the Barbican conservatory. Its definitely an afternoon well spent.

Pink ribs

Outfit - Dress/RiverIsland Shirt/Zara Heels/NewLook(old)

Lilac haze

Outfit - Top/Zara Skirt/HouseofCB Heels/Zara Earrings/Aldo Bracelets/Swarovski