Suri Times Two: river island

Friday, 5 January 2018

Pregnancy anxiety

It’s safe to say pregnancy brings on a bucketful of emotions, good and bad. Although my pregnancy journey was a positive one I couldn’t help but experience bouts of anxiety.
I don’t feel like anxiety attacks are fully understood, I came across this statement online which explained it perfectly;
Anxiety attacks don’t have to be hyperventilating and rocking back and forth, they can also be categorised by but not limited to;

- random burst of irritability
- obsessive behaviour and nit picking
- hypersensitivity
- pacing
- silence
- zoning out

It’s a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome. Which now looking back on, I’m sure every pregnant woman for the first time experiences.

For me, it was dealing with all these self proclaimed doctors / advice givers.
I had ‘advice’ (a term I will loosely use) flying at me from all directions. Everyone I came across had an opinion or piece of information to give me, whether or not I asked for it.

Don’t eat this – eat that
Don’t exercise so much
Wear these clothes instead of those
Name the baby this
Follow this piece of religious text
Make sure you read this to the baby every day
You’re not eating enough
Listen to this music- it's good for the baby

I can laugh at it now, but during my pregnancy I was so sensitive to everyone's opinions. My biggest hurdle was battling this picture I had painted in my head of what I thought the journey would be, but my pregnancy was far from glowing / nervous giggles and joyful planning ahead.
I was highly irritable 99% of the time, had a difficult time adjusting to the physical and would be so bad tempered when others tried to tell me how to act / what to do.
I guess the introvert in me wanted to be left alone, left alone to manage what I knew I could handle from the start.
I wanted to be left alone to enjoy the process by myself, that’s how I conduct myself most the time anyway; I’m the girl that favours a quiet night in 99% of the time.

I guess the point of this post is to remind ourselves of the comments we make daily.
There is a difference between constructive criticism, criticism, advice and opinions.
It’s insensitive to throw out information based on personal opinions and expect someone else to follow suit; It’s controlling and unfair.
I know so many other young mummies whom like myself have had to deal with the annoying ‘advice’ It’s rather insulting to think that people accuse you of not acting accordingly or saying your lifestyle choices are jeopardising the babies’ health.
I was extremely grateful to be in the position to grow a little human I would never have done anything to cause harm or risk the baby’s health. So it threw me countless times when I was critiqued on my diet / exercise / lifestyle.
I always encourage health, after all the better your physiology the better your psychology.
So unless you have advice that will actively help someone instead of hinder their personal progress; keep it hush hush.

Trusting the process

Ever felt a little uneasy about the situation you’re in? Whether we like it or not, where we are today is a direct result of the choices we have made in life. I go through a cycle of emotions regularly about my state of mind / progress in life / general status of what my purpose is. Here are three things I picked up along the way…

Have faith in the process.
It doesn’t matter what you are going through, sometimes we are presented with situations that make us question our purpose, or the direction we thought we should be taking in life. As much as we can plan events in our life we are all thrown curveballs that derail our original thought process.
Instead of throwing hands in the air and giving up, I think the best way to approach a nightmare unfolding is head on, keeping in mind the following;
- try to be logical – don’t make rash decisions or act on impulse when everything falls apart.
- try to maintain your character in a productive way and solve issues as methodically as possible. I sometimes get over emotional and start excessively thinking when I’m at wits end; usually this extra stress I create for myself don’t help the situation at all. Stay calm, remember your strength and carry on logically.
- As well as being present and thinking in the moment, try to react to situations that your future self can benefit from, short term resolutions will only lead to dead ends again. How can you flip the curve ball around to work in your favour? How can you make it a growing process to help you build character strength? Both of those will benefit your future self.

Who’s grass? How green?
Sometimes I find myself thinking, how is it not possible I haven’t achieved X Y and Z by now, and others have. What are they doing that I’m not? Who did they approach for answers on this, this and this? What help did they get? What are their secrets?

Stop right there! Who cares! Everyone struggles and everyone has a battle to fight, don’t compare yourself to them, it can bring out insecurities, envy and stress. Look a little closer to home and see your own development.
This life is not a race. This life is what we make it, we can spend days looking out the window and envying others or aspiring to be like them, when doing this we are wasting our present time and losing our inner peace.
I find I’m most happiest when I’m ignoring 99% of the world and staying in my own little bubble and progressing at my own little pace.
For instance since I’ve started writing my thoughts down in this blog, I’ve learnt how much I love sharing my musings, I love reading what others think, I love that I’m not so focused on the material aspect of blogging as much.
I’ve come to understand blogging is my process for documenting my creativity, my thoughts and a chunk of my life I can look back on;
It’s my little story, not anyone else’, so with that attitude I have eliminated room for comparisons and by magic the stress of being concerned with what others are doing or seeing them as competition has disappeared.

Work on you
I know I’ve mentioned this before, but working on yourself is paramount, just because your skills aren’t needed today doesn’t mean an opportunity wont pop up when they are needed. You have to have a positive mental attitude towards being prepared at all times for what you want in life.
Maybe today isn’t your day, maybe tomorrow isn’t but with consistent self-development your future self can benefit from being well prepared for any situation.
I don’t believe in overnight successes, I believe in being in the right place at the right time and being prepared. So do yourself the biggest favour you can and invest in yourself because from what I’ve learnt no one else will.

My little steps for self-acceptance

Self-acceptance is a process, I found it such a challenge to wake up completely satisfied with who I was, every day was and still is to an extent is work in progress.
For instance starting this blog took me two years to pick up the courage to do. I had shot content for the blog but I felt chubby, I felt ugly by societies standard and I knew if I didn't believe in the images how could I expect others to engage with it and relate to me. It didn't feel genuine as I was so dissatisfied with what I saw.
I used this feeling as a catalyst to change my attitude to self-love and started working on myself. I improved my health, my perception on self-image and by 2013 I felt ready to put myself out there.
This post is about how I learnt to love and accept who I am and how I benefit from the power of self-love and self-esteem.

Manage your inner demons.
Those voices that belittle you, the voices that tell you you're not good enough, you're not slim enough, you're not pretty enough MUST STOP.
I soon came to realise it wasn’t anyone telling me I wasn’t enough, the people around me were just happy plodding along with their own worries, the negative driving force was coming from ME. I was my own barrier, I had to change my mind-set in order to make an impact on daily happiness.
You are more important than any social limitation, 'your body size, race and sexual orientations are assets.' I heard Caira Lee say on one of the many Ted Talks I listen to.
Again; Your body, your size, your race and your sexual orientation are assets.'
Such a powerful line and super easy to say, but why is it so many of us struggle to accept and believe in this statement.
Be kind, encouraging and understanding to yourself as you are with friends and family. We tend to be our biggest critics and I feel like many of us limit ourselves relentlessly. Be your own best friend and challenge those inner demons, don’t get yourself down before you’ve even started.

What does caring about yourself really mean?
It’s not the occasional spa trip or manicure; It’s the process of daily affirmations. Make yourself number one priority, eat right, sleep right, exercise your body and your mind.
Caring for yourself is having the belief that what you are within is strong enough to shine out and contribute to bettering society, it is affirming to yourself that you ARE good enough. Admiring yourself or feeling confident isn’t to be taken in the same hand as arrogance or being self-centred. How I see it is, in order for us to positively contribute to the world we live in, we must work on ourselves before we can help others. Put yourself first, makes those improvements and then when you are ready share positivity and help others.
Being kind to yourself and nurturing those little voices in your head to encourage and build you up, make yourself strong enough to fight those fears, accept what you don't like and give yourself the power to change those negatives into positives.

Losing yourself
Find your passion, what makes your heart sing endlessly. What can you do for hours on end and feel a sense of satisfaction on completion. What fulfils you entirely. Find what it is that drives you and create it, obsess with it work on it and build your craft; be the best at what you do.
Howard Sherman said, 'do not ask what the world needs, ask what makes me come alive and do that, because what the world needs is people that have come alive'.
Satisfying that inner passion will help you realise your purpose in life. I know it sounds cheesy, but do it, focus on yourself and question all those doubts in your mind, isolate yourself enough to know what it is that really makes you happy, I’m 99% sure there is a career path out there for you that enlightens your soul and makes you happier. Even if you don’t have any intention of financially benefiting from your passion, keep it alive. I personally find it very therapeutic to devote my energy into something I love so much.

Love others
Self-love isn't just about you, it’s about embodying love entirely, it’s about uplifting those around you too. if people are doubtful around me I instinctively try to find a silver lining or help with a constructive solution. I thrive on encouraging productivity, I love to inspire others and I want to help them feel good, the same way I feel good.
After all we hear time and time again that energy is contagious. so why chose the painful route? if we can help one another a little, why hold back?
In a nutshell I think self-love self-acceptance is a full cycle of daily practises. Accept what has happened in the past, learn from it, grow from it, accept flaws and work towards a better you.
Focus less on others and more on your own trials and tribulations. The more energy you devote into bettering yourself and gaining knowledge means the less time you have to be hateful/jealous of others, or develop negative thoughts. Just remember the grass isn’t always greener on the other side; everyone has shitty days, some of us just hide it better than others.
A combination of the two above will guarantee positive vibes, I promise! And et voila practice improving yourself daily, work on self-love, self-worth and each day will feel that little bit more better.

Being comfortable in my own skin.

As of this post and blog revamp I have decided to change the information I'm uploading online. I want this blog to be a personal point of reference, also for my sisters and daughters. I want to keep this online diary as a message to remind myself to follow my dreams and stay true to what I believe, if you are reading with me then I'm more then happy to have your company : )

The first topic I have decided to discuss is body confidence, obviously this is a widely talked about topic but I have a couple of points to share through my own experiences, which could ring true to a couple of you.
Would you believe me if I told you I hated my figure growing up? Would you believe me when I say I wished I never had these hips / bum / legs? Until the age of 18 I was hell-bent on achieving a figure genetically impossible through fad diets and skipping meals. This was because I was drawn into the media portrayal of the 'ideal woman'. When I was growing up the celebrities on a pedestal were Pamela Anderson, Britney Spears, Jennifer Anniston and a handful of others but the issue that affected me the most was that I couldn't identify with any of these women therefor I felt inferior.
I felt like my body shape, my curly hair, my skin colour and appearance overall wasn't considered pretty. No matter what makeup / clothes I wore, I would never look like them.
When Jennifer Lopez came on the scene I was in love, a tanned beauty with a shapely body, hips and thighs, wow what an idol. I loved everything she embodied, her songs, her fashion and media presence. I think it is key for women to be able to identify with someone, they need to relate to the media, be it through their image/ culture / beliefs/ interests.

Looking back what disappoints me the most is there was never a reassurance from anyone to make me believe, being myself was enough. The media power was effecting my self confidence and the exposure to it was unavoidable. This was from growing up in the 80's, the current generation has a whole new level of media exposure with all these social outlets online. It can become quite damaging and poisonous to those who lack the confidence to think otherwise.

Here are a couple of points I will always teach my girls; you are beautiful as you are, you are more then enough being you, once you truly believe in that statement nothing can stop you. Practice self love and disregard what anyone say's or expect you to look like. Their expectations of beauty standards should not rule your reality. Embrace what you are born with because the magic of the story is, no one can be you, that is your one true strength.

We have to celebrate our individual selves, there is too much negativity in the world and we need less of that. Beauty is everywhere and inside everyone, don't expect everyone to look like the girls in the magazines, heck the girls in the magazines don't even look like the girls in the magazines. I know we all have hang ups over parts of our bodies we would like to change and thats fine, but don't sit there and wish upon a star, take action to make those goals reality. Be healthy, be physically fit and in-turn your confidence will naturally be boosted.
I made a conscious decision three years ago to join the gym and start exercising. From being the girl that always tried to skip P.E classes and escape the cross country runs its was revolutionary for me to voluntarily exercise, on top of that I felt the need to hire a personal trainer to guide me through my fitness journey. I committed to training three times a week. Physically I have not lost any weight I remain the same, if not a little heavier due to the fat to muscle conversion. But my strength and endurance have increased phenomenally, I mean I'm not the incredible hulk but I sure can lift a thing or two!
Three years down the line I am still training at least three times a week mixing weight training and cardio activities. My body feels healthier, my mind feels refreshed and I'm much more able to handle day to day stresses with ease. I am happy to say I'm officially 100% comfortable in my own skin and I work towards achieving my version of 'ideal' daily. It's not easy but its worth it!