Pregnancy emotions - the early months

To say pregnancy is a rollercoaster of emotions is an understatement, it’s a life change, its everything you thought you knew about yourself out the window. Your body changes without knowing it, it’s hard to mentally keep up. Your mind is between the now and the future. Its almost the biggest reality check I’ve ever had. The concept of time goes quicker than ever before.

Remain grateful to be in the position 
In the early months of pregnancy, I remember feeling down and frustrated with my bodies changes. I felt like everything was getting turned upside down for me, while the rest of the world kept spinning and seemed normal for everyone else.
I was losing the body I had worked so hard daily to achieve. My appetite for the little food I did like had gone out the window and unfortunately I suffered from severe morning sickness (Hyperemesis Grvidarum) and ended up being admitted into the hospital. So not only did I feel awful, I looked it most days too. Pregnancy glow?! Far from it, I only experienced that after passing the 5 month mark!
Throughout the initial stages of wishing I didn’t feel the way I did, I had to snap out of what I consider a ‘first world luxury slump’.
I was being over emotional; there are so many women in this world who would kill to fall pregnant as quick as I did, there are so many women in this world who would do anything to experience growing their child, there are so many women who struggle alone with all the symptoms I did.

As awful as I felt, I needed to remind myself, I had a family that cared, I had a support system to fall back on, I had the NHS to overlook all the complications, I had help.
It’s easy to fall into a dip when exhaustion and emotions are at an all time low, but the main thing is to remain as grateful as possible. There are girls in this world who dream of having my life on my worst days, who am I to stand here and complain.

Research – educate yourself
After I pulled myself out of the emotional slump, I decided to get clued on. What exactly is happening to my body, what are the side effects, what is to come. I needed to know. It would be foolish of me to have access to resources such as books and internet and not know what my body is about to undertake.
I’m a strong believer of educating yourself. Never wait for others to hold your hand and show you, get up and better yourself for no ones benefit other than your own. I needed to know everything so I can then be the healthiest / fittest possible for my child.
I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardise the responsibility I had oF creating this little human.

I started off reading How to Grow a Baby and Push It Out by Clemmie Hoper. A nice little introduction to the world of pregnancy, with step by steps on what to expect each week in terms of changes to your body, the foetus development and explanations of all the blood tests / immunisations / labour procedures.
Confident about knowing my bits and bobs, I wanted to know more; I wanted to know what to anticipate closer to the babies’ arrival, so I read What to Expect the First Year Book by Heidi Murkoff. Now this book most definitely made me feel clued on, I had a clearer vision of what to expect and its in-depth explanations on all scenarios from breast feeding to dealing with guests was very helpful to read.

It’s just in my nature to read, I didn’t want to feel lost at any point so instead of feeling anxious about what was to come, I wanted to prepare myself the best way I knew how.

Communication is key.
I’m relatively level headed but during my pregnancy my emotions were on an insane rollercoaster that just kept getting faster.
But instead of stomping around and expecting Gurps / my boss / my family / friends to understand my moods I had to break it down every single day; How I felt emotionally and physically. I had to, because I was already in the unknown in terms of experiencing everything for the first time, I needed as much support I could get to carry on with a positive mental attitude. Being grateful was half of it, but the other half was needing physical support.
Pregnancy is draining, it honestly takes it out of your body. I considered myself fit before the pregnancy but I was shocked at how challenging I found it.
I was open with everyone and explained what I was struggling with and they were all accommodating and helped. If you don’t ask for help, no one will know. So don’t go through it alone, reach out.

Erase the millennial issue of f.o.m.o.
Having children doesn’t stop anything unless you let it. I had many one liners about ‘no more holidays’ too many in fact. But I don’t believe it.
You dictate how your life goes, if you want to travel with children you will make it happen. If you want to maintain a high social life with children you will make it happen, anything is possible.
I was willing to drop the f.o.m.o (Fear Of Missing Out) and focus all my energy on being pregnant and then preparing myself to be a mother.

Slow progress is better than no progress
Sometimes I feel like I talk sense but I have a bad habit of ignoring myself. I know what I need to do, I just don’t do it. By writing things down I remind myself of what I need to do, positivity, communication, forward thinking and bettering myself are still my main goals, some days I’m more productive than others; the main thing through the pregnancy was to keep going. Slow progress to being better each day is better than no progress.

The Times New York

Trusting the process

Ever felt a little uneasy about the situation you’re in? Whether we like it or not, where we are today is a direct result of the choices we have made in life. I go through a cycle of emotions regularly about my state of mind / progress in life / general status of what my purpose is. Here are three things I picked up along the way…

Have faith in the process.
It doesn’t matter what you are going through, sometimes we are presented with situations that make us question our purpose, or the direction we thought we should be taking in life. As much as we can plan events in our life we are all thrown curveballs that derail our original thought process.
Instead of throwing hands in the air and giving up, I think the best way to approach a nightmare unfolding is head on, keeping in mind the following;
- try to be logical – don’t make rash decisions or act on impulse when everything falls apart.
- try to maintain your character in a productive way and solve issues as methodically as possible. I sometimes get over emotional and start excessively thinking when I’m at wits end; usually this extra stress I create for myself don’t help the situation at all. Stay calm, remember your strength and carry on logically.
- As well as being present and thinking in the moment, try to react to situations that your future self can benefit from, short term resolutions will only lead to dead ends again. How can you flip the curve ball around to work in your favour? How can you make it a growing process to help you build character strength? Both of those will benefit your future self.

Who’s grass? How green?
Sometimes I find myself thinking, how is it not possible I haven’t achieved X Y and Z by now, and others have. What are they doing that I’m not? Who did they approach for answers on this, this and this? What help did they get? What are their secrets?


Stop right there! Who cares! Everyone struggles and everyone has a battle to fight, don’t compare yourself to them, it can bring out insecurities, envy and stress. Look a little closer to home and see your own development.
This life is not a race. This life is what we make it, we can spend days looking out the window and envying others or aspiring to be like them, when doing this we are wasting our present time and losing our inner peace.
I find I’m most happiest when I’m ignoring 99% of the world and staying in my own little bubble and progressing at my own little pace.
For instance since I’ve started writing my thoughts down in this blog, I’ve learnt how much I love sharing my musings, I love reading what others think, I love that I’m not so focused on the material aspect of blogging as much.
I’ve come to understand blogging is my process for documenting my creativity, my thoughts and a chunk of my life I can look back on;
It’s my little story, not anyone else’, so with that attitude I have eliminated room for comparisons and by magic the stress of being concerned with what others are doing or seeing them as competition has disappeared.

Work on you
I know I’ve mentioned this before, but working on yourself is paramount, just because your skills aren’t needed today doesn’t mean an opportunity wont pop up when they are needed. You have to have a positive mental attitude towards being prepared at all times for what you want in life.
Maybe today isn’t your day, maybe tomorrow isn’t but with consistent self-development your future self can benefit from being well prepared for any situation.
I don’t believe in overnight successes, I believe in being in the right place at the right time and being prepared. So do yourself the biggest favour you can and invest in yourself because from what I’ve learnt no one else will.

Listening to my gut feeling and making personal improvements

Ever felt this feeling at the pit of your stomach, with everything inside you telling you your just not meant to be there? I have, many times over.
I’ve experienced this during social events, during my working day on my 9-5 and even at home. It’s almost as if I knew I needed to do something to break away from where I was.
I didn’t know what it was I needed to do, I didn’t know how to explain exactly what I was feeling, but I knew the place I was no longer kept me happy and to shake the anxious feeling I needed to move on.

It’s okay to outgrow people.
From a young age I’ve always been happy go lucky with my social life. For me it didn’t and still doesn’t define my happiness, I was just as comfortable sitting on the sofa at home as I was relaxing in a sheesha lounge with friends or in a bar. I didn’t need to have a wild Friday and Saturday night to feel like I’ve ‘lived’.
I started realising about 4 years ago that the level of engagement I would have with people was no longer fulfilling and if anything made me question my need to attend social events all together. I noticed personal changes I would make around individuals, I’d talk a little less and listen a little more.
The more I listened the more I felt at unease, I realised I had mentally outgrown the people I spent the most part of my teenage years and 20’s with.
I wanted to discuss achievements, set goals and work towards bettering myself, I couldn’t care less about X,Y or Z, mediocre gossip or reality tv talk. I didn’t want to binge drink till the early hours of the morning then eat trash at 3am, I didn’t want to experiment with drugs because it’s not a lifestyle that interests me in the slightest.
In a sense I didn’t understand what I was feeling back then but now I know it’s safe to say, It’s okay to not fit in, you don’t have to follow the rest of them; if you feel different follow your gut. If that road leads you temporarily down a route by yourself don’t panic, when you focus on what you believe and start working towards goals that interest you, likeminded people will be on the same path as you and a new set of friends will develop.
I’m not saying drop your friendly entirely, I just need you to know, it’s not a bad thing to feel out of place. Use your gut instinct to help you better your situation and move on towards a position that keep you happy and betters your future self.

The dreaded 9-5
Ever sat at your desk and thought, is this it? Is this my life? Is this excel spreadsheet going to be the death of me?
Unless you’re lucky to have been blessed with a silver spoon in your mouth, you, like myself will have to work to fund a lifestyle. Money is crucial in our lives, for the basics; food and shelter, everything else is a cherry on top.
Why are so many people stuck in a 9-5 they loathe? Why not be fearless enough to pursue your passion, follow your true dream and work towards loving your job?
I personally think it’s easy to get complacent with life, but if like myself you hate the reoccurring thought of knowing you are not fulfilling your maximum potential, changes need to be made.
It’s not as simple as packing up your job and doing what you love, I know; I’m in that position. But I believe if you find your passion, work on it with all your spare time, the time you invest in making your dreams become a reality will outwork the 9-5 and the hard work will pay off, allowing you to pursue a field of your choice.
You just need to be motivated enough to keep at it even when the rewards are slim, keep at it even when you aren’t receiving the recognition you feel you deserve, keep at it until you are in a position to comfortably leave your 9-5 and depend on your passion to bring in revenue.

Is my house really home?
If I’m not at work I’m usually at home, so it’s essential for me that my living space works for me and not against me. I mean that in the sense of it being my sanctuary; a place I can unwind and feel relaxed.
I’ve been lucky enough to move three times in the past three years which is a blessing in disguise, it’s never fun to part with a location you get comfortable in but there is a silver lining, you are forced to assess your material possessions.
When boxing everything up I make a point of clearing out items I no longer use and general junk I accumulate over the years.
This detox of material possessions is what keeps my home my safe heaven. I cannot stand unnecessary clutter, I don’t enjoy over packing my storage units, so I keep items to a minimum. Everything I own from my books to clothes and kitchen utensils are in a set place and all accessible.
A pet peeve is knowing I have something but not being able to find it, argh!!! How frustrating. So to avoid ever falling into that gap again I have adopted the process of smart shopping and regular clear outs. My home is my happy pace and I make sure I do everything possible to maintain that peace.


Listen to your gut feeling, no one knows you better than yourself. Sometimes it’s good to leave a comfort zone because I’ve learnt most the time I’m holding onto them for a false sense of security; if I really sit and think about it I didn’t need any of the comfort zones I led myself to believe I needed, I was strong enough to cope by myself. I hope you are too : )

Outfit - Skirt/HouseOfCB Blouse/Zara Choker/DIY

Thinking outside the box.

Thinking outside the box.
A phrase we have heard one too many times before, a phrase I actually find ridiculously frustrating to apply when told to do so. I only think outside the box unconsciously, I only experiment when I’m completely in tune with what I am doing, because when I’m fully focused I don’t even have the capacity to think of limitations or boxes.
I swear by the philosophy of not to overthink things; the unnecessary stress is not needed!

Change your environment.
If you have a list of goals in mind make sure your environment is set up to encourage you, make it work for you not against you. A surrounding should positively contribute to motivating you, by removing distractions the temptation to waste time is reduced. So it could be something as small as decluttering, organising your area, introducing more sunlight into the room or even moving your workouts from indoors to outdoors, whatever the factors may be pinpoint them and address them. Don’t fall into the trap of using them as excuses that hold you back.

Practice being open-minded.
With the state of the world and the ever changing opinions around us, being open minded is needed more now than ever. Being prejudice doesn’t work, it doesn’t make the world go round; acceptance, empathy and love does. If you want to stimulate new ideas and think outside the box you must allow for a different way of thinking to flow. Address things you could have overlooked, consider other points of views, experiment with your process and keep in mind that mistakes are simply re-routes. Don’t be afraid to fail, embrace the changes these setbacks create and try again. A defeated attitude doesn’t get very far, a curious, determined and creative one will surely stumble upon something new, that’s the magic of serendipity!


When the going gets tough the tough get going.
Wait, what? What does that even mean? I was just feeling fancy so I’ll keep that heading. But my last point is based on our perception of tough times.
Do you ever recall saying ‘I can’t do this, I can’t carry on, life’s over, woe is me’ or something along those lines? Well I’d like to congratulate you 1) for being alive 2) actually reading this far down. *I truly appreciate it*
My point from babbling is that tough times do not last. Nothing worth having happens overnight. Everything is work in progress, if you feel defeated it’s very unsettling, so for that reason continue to push your boundaries, carry on experimenting, of course naturally you will encounter some setbacks but resolve and work through those trials and tribulations. This is life!
These are minor glitches in the grand scheme of things, what determines our success is our attitude towards the mini ‘failures’ Outwork them, outgrow them and change those weaknesses into strengths!

How I avoid disappointment in a relationship

The other week I had a conversation that sparked the topic of expectations and disappointments. A comment was made where my friend believed finding another half could complete him and make him happy again after recently ending a relationship that turned sour. From my experience with love and happiness I whole heartedly disagree with this. I think that thought is almost a dead end road and is sure to lead to disappointment. I have been lucky enough to find companionship in Gurps since the age of 16, our relationship feels effortless and he enriches my life in many ways. With that in mind, I don’t believe he completes me.

I suppose what I am trying to say is, even though he has been the focal point of my life for the last 11 years, my happiness is not in his hands or anyone else’s. The responsibility for my heart and happiness is in MY hands, it is not fair to him for me to pin my happiness on him.
It’s a nice thought to think someone completes you, but by thinking this way we are expecting them to do so. That level of expectation could result in disappointment. If I expect Gurps to shower me with goodies, cook me dinner and treat me like a princess with the mind-set that the result of these actions will keep me happy, I’ll be massively disappointed if he doesn’t follow through with any of them. So not only would I be disappointed in him, I’d also stress him out for not doing them resulting in some sort of argument and both parties being unhappy.
I think it’s good to go into a relationship as whole as you can be, if you are happy with your way of life, you will in-turn rub off that energy to others. If you feel incomplete you are continually expecting someone else to do something for you. Two happy people are unstoppable right? Two individuals searching for something else as well as love already have a set back because their expectations are too high. If you feel different let me know, its always good to see someone else’s spin on this topic.
I think the approach of having no expectations allows us to remove the opportunity to blame someone else. Like I mentioned in my motivation post, I believe if you eliminate room for excuses and stop playing the blame game by taking responsibility for your life the more successful your relationships will be.

I’m not saying Gurps doesn’t do those things, sure he buys me gifts and cooks a dinner or two; He does them, but the key is he is doing them because HE wants to, not because I expect him to do them.
I think relationships work a million times better when we put controlling egos aside and let each other be who we are. When you care for someone, unconsciously your actions make the other person happy. So the key to any relationship be it with friends or lovers is to be yourself, the people that click with you and work with your personality naturally stay. Anyone that demands more energy then you are willing to give isn’t meant for you.

So I’ve come to the conclusion that I myself am very happy as an individual, I feel whole and complete. Having Gurps by my side is like the cherry on top, he makes everything much sweeter. Obviously these are just opinions and I’d love to hear your take on relationships and whether or not you think a partners complete one another.

Outfit - Bralette/UrbanOutfitters Top/Mango Jacket/Zara(old similar) Scarf/Zara(detached from a coat/similar here)Hat/Aldo(old) Jeans/RiverIsland Boots/Zara Rings/Aldo

How I stay motivated.

With the end of year just around the corner I start to think about all those resolutions I made in January, I dropped a couple but kept a handful of them going and I can happily say they have finally become embedded into my lifestyle habits. I have a couple of tips that I use as a guideline and maybe they could help you out too. I genuinely feel like these are points we are all well aware of, what I’ve typed below isn’t revolutionary, it’s just sometimes we need to refresh our minds with points that help push us back in the right direction.

1) Start now.
Don’t wait for New Years to make a resolution, don’t wait for Monday even, start now. Make a start on your goal because time won’t wait for you to do so, before you know it we will be sitting here in November 2017 discussing the same thing!
I was so hesitant to start writing on these topics for the blog, I kept telling myself my english wasn't good enough, my writing style is too waffely and realistically who wants to read my thoughts? But with the feedback I received from my last post I'm so happy to know some of you actually feel the same and could relate to me. In turn that motivated me to really get going with this writing malarky and open up to you. So I'm sure glad I made a start on it, otherwise I'd still be sitting here thinking, what if?

2) No excuses.
If you keep hesitating to start working towards your goals try to identify what the defining factor stalling you is. Whatever it may be, it is an excuse. Excuses are a dead end road, they don’t really justify your actions they sugar-coat your actions making you believe its okay to not complete your goals.
Also adopt the mind-set that blaming others for your actions is unacceptable. Take responsibility for your own actions and refuse to blame anyone else. Sure there might be conditions beyond your control that are affecting your progress but instead of blaming someone else take action over how you decide to react to the situation. By taking responsibility you will be reacting in a manner that will benefit your future self not set you back.

3) Eat right.
Over time I have managed to clean up my diet by eliminating readymade meals, processed food and the heavy fatty meals. I cut out artificial sugars too (well nearly, I’m still partial to the odd Ferrero Rocher flying around during festive season) I find these sugars give me a temporary high and the comedown leaves me feeling ten times worse than how I started. The reason for this diet change was not to lose weight but to fuel my body with food I can benefit from, when I eat a clean healthy meal my energy levels are sky high, my body feels ready for whatever I put it through and my thought processes are so much more fluid. I’m less stressed when I eat well, mentally and physically feel better and have more energy to overcome any issues I face when working towards my goal.

4) Drink water.
If I had a pound for every time someone told me to drink water I’d be sitting pretty on a mountain of fortunes. I used to roll my eyes at this statement so much. I hated drinking water, I never felt like I needed it. I don’t know if I hit the 2 Litre mark daily but I know I drink more than enough to keep myself hydrated. Hydration is key, KEY KEY KEY! (feeling like Dj Khaled here) When you pass up on the glass of water think about it this way, ‘I want to look like a grape not a raisin’
75% of our brain is water, why deprive our bodies from functioning at full capacity when it’s something as easy as drinking a glass every other hour? We water our plants to help them grow and flourish, why not adopt the same attitude towards our own bodies?

5) Sleep well.
Hands down I am 100% diurnal, I rise with the sun and clock out when it goes down. I try to sleep at least 6-7 hours every night. I’ve never been one of those night owls that becomes all productive and efficient at sundown. Although this nocturnal method works for so many people I know, the key here is finding which pattern best suits your lifestyle.
This is how I have been for as long as I can remember, even if I have guests around I tend to fall asleep talking on the couch or if we go to the cinema late at night I can guarantee I’ll be snoring away in the background. Having a consistent sleeping pattern allows me to function well during the day, I’m much more productive and can focus clearly on my goals.
And in all honesty if I feel sleep deprived I can guarantee I will spend 85% of my day complaining about how tired I am!

6) Organise yourself.
Those dreams you have, do you know how to plan to achieve them? Have you mapped out what it is you need to tick off the list to make them reality? Its fine if you don’t, let’s start now. Try to write down a plan of steps to get you there and remember to be realistic about your time constraints. I don’t know of anyone that pulled an all-nighter at university and was 100% satisfied with the end result. Cramming everything in last minute will not have the best results. It’s similar to a diet plan, eating lettuce for one lunch won’t make me thinner nor will 100sit ups give me a 6pack the next day. Everything worthwhile takes time, consistency and persistence. Organise your time wisely to give you the best chance at achieving your goals.

7) Anticipate setbacks.
I don’t mean to be the bearer of bad news but setbacks will happen. Nothing is ever straightforward and by that I mean the plan you made from Step 6 will most likely fail, but in order to succeed you have to remap your ideas and get back to it. Surely when you fell over in the playground when you were young you got back up right? What’s changed in our adult lives? We might not be ripping tights at our knees (this is something I did daily in Primary school, can anyone else relate or was it just me?!) but the concept is all the same. A setback does not define you, you are in charge of your life and your actions, your reaction to minor failures will determine your success.

8) Don’t stop.
Lastly not being where I want to be is the biggest push of all. Don’t let it get you down if you have not reached your goals yet, use that emotion as ammunition to keep going to do everything you can to get there.

And please don’t think by me typing this I feel like I have my life sorted. I’ve only just about managed to pluck up the courage to start writing (or waffling not sure how you see it) on the blog about topics flying around in my head. So how I see it is, we’re in this together : )

I only noticed when I looked for outfit links online, I’m actually wearing this jumper back to front, the wrap is supposed to be worn on the back. Ooops!

Outfit – Jumper/Mango Skirt/Vintage Hat/Aldo(old) FurScarf/(Detached collar from a Zara coat)(Similar item) Boots/Zara Rings/Aldo