I think many of us at one point in our lifetime have been in a situation where we feel the people around us are doing more bad to our personal growth then good. No matter how positive , upbeat or happy I am, mixing with toxic people effect my psyche. I know toxic is a harsh word, but I have no other means to describe this type of person. No matter how whole and confident I feel it’s hard to not let others get the best of my emotions. These negative relationships rob me of my potential, make me miserable and ruin my state of mind.
Know what you are worth
The first step to eliminating them from your life is to acknowledge you deserve better. Having a sense of self-worth means respecting yourself enough to know what is best for you.
Life is too short to waste your time and devote energy to people who don’t lift you up. Be selective and chose to have positive, encouraging and inspirational people in your life. People you can build and grow with are contagious.
After all they do say the people we surround ourselves with are a reflection of who we are, they are influential to our mannerisms, mental and physical health.
No one said it was easy
It’s tricky when you are stuck under a social pressure to be around people you don’t want to be with. The idea of being ‘in’ with a certain group of people does not have to work for everyone. Trust me I know, I’m an introvert.
Smile. Head down. Get the job done. Get out. Go home. This has been my motto from day one. I’ve never been a social butterfly, I keep myself to myself and I like it that way.
I don’t flourish in large groups, I thrive with ‘one on ones’ connecting with people on a more personal level is what I crave.
Know that is it okay to not feel comfortable in a group situation. Previously I would put aside my uncertainties and stay around toxic people thinking it could change my frame of mind and I could adjust to being in these situations.
I learnt the hard way and I need you to know, you CANNOT control other people’s actions around you. You are the master of your own world and if their psyche doesn’t mirror yours, the best thing you can do is remove yourself from the situation.
Do not invest your energy in trying to fit in when you don’t.
Granted, removing yourself entirely is hard, very hard but in the long run it’s what is best for you.
Pinpoint the people
When you think about it, human interaction is what we all live for. So it’s key to make sure you identify who is stopping your happiness and growth.
We spend half our lives at work, our co-workers have the power to alter all our life relationships. For instance if my boss were to ruin my day towards home time, I would take that negativity and stress offloading it onto Gurps in turn stressing him out and ruining our personal relationship.
Family are a huge part of our lives, sometimes we have a black sheep in the gang that always has negative comments, or a gossip tendency which is not necessary, it can be stressful to be around and in the long run will most likely end up causing unwanted drama.
Friends, friends, friends, we all have them, large groups or small groups, these are the people we generally have all the ‘fun’ with. In the right group it's endless laughter, banter and good times. Fall into the wrong one and your securities can flip into insecurities, your confidence can hit rock bottom and you’re left feeling trapped and sometimes lonely. Ironic to feel that when you’re surrounded by people.
Partners, you wake up with them, you go to sleep with them, you eat with them, every spare second you have they’re at the top of your list to contact. Your partner ends up being your everything. It is so crucial in life to know your self worth and find a partner who uplifts, cherishes and makes you the happiest you can be.
Identify that any of the above options could be toxic to you. It is unfortunate to have toxicity in those groups as a large portion of our lives is spent with them but it is so important for you to be able to pinpoint who is negative to your growth.
The next step
Never forget the power of happiness is in your hands, you are in control of your life. You do not need to feel sad, guilty or ashamed to eliminate people from your life if they are doing no good for you.
If its work related, communicate with your boss your issues, try moving departments or even try looking for a new job, a fresh start will help you overcome work related stresses.
Family issues are unfortunate, this category is usually our support system, but you have to be able to draw a line at to what you are and are not willing to tolerate. Communicate with the individual what they are doing, how it makes you feel and tell them where you want to go from there. If you want to stop speaking that’s your right to say and do so. Tell them exactly how you feel and what your boundaries are and they should respect that enough to leave you alone or no longer effect you negatively.
Friends, with the up rise of social media this one is extremely tricky to cut out. You have the option to unfollow toxic people on every platform, you can avoid social gatherings, lessen your interaction with these people and by focusing on yourself your will create a path that will rarely or ideally wont cross at all with toxic social groups ever again.
Partners, your significant other is someone who you can say anything to. If you feel there is room for improvement and change communicate this across to them and work together on a happier future. If not set your boundaries, know your self-worth and move on. Delete numbers, avoid texting and cut off all channels of communication.
It doesn’t matter who it is. If someone violates your standards, principles and values in life, they don’t deserve your energy.
Is it worth your energy?
Sometimes we find it hard to let go of certain relationships. If a part of you is hesitant to cut people off indefinitely try communicating with them. Explain to them what you are feeling, how their actions are effecting you and what you want from the relationship.
As difficult as it may be to have that type of conversation, it brings you one step closer to resolving the issue of toxicity.
If the person in question acknowledges what you are saying they may change their ways because they love and care for you and will make sure their actions don’t upset you in the future.
Sadly, if someone has hurt you to the point where you need to tell them what they are doing is wrong the likelihood is they don’t care and wont accommodate to your feelings. No one can be that blinded by their actions, deep down we all know if we are upsetting someone. Human kindness doesn’t cost a thing, if anything I personally feel showing kindness is rewarding
With life experiences we develop the knack of judging character. The best way I feel is to assess who is valuable to your future and who isn’t. I don’t mean use people to get further in life, but choose people who offer the same energy you naturally exert.
The silver lining
I feel like cutting people off can make you vulnerable to an extent; after all work, family, friends and partners are what make our life whole. It feels alien to not have them categories complete. It can also leave you feeling vulnerable and anxious as to how you will be able to function without them.
Self-belief and I know I’ve mentioned it a couple of times but knowing your self-worth is so crucial when you are going through the stages of eliminating toxic people. Be confident enough to know when to draw a line, be confident enough to know when to call it quits and move on to focus on yourself. Work towards being a better you, practice kindness to others even if it has not been shown to you, do not let past experiences make you a bitter person. There are so many loving individuals out there who will help build you up not break you down.
It may hurt now but the silver lining is you have invested in your future happiness. It will be worth it, trust me.
Outfit – Top/MissSelfridge Jeans/RiverIsland Jacket/Zara FurScarf/Zara Boots/Zara
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